we dyscordians must stick apart


A Real Mega Pickle

Originally posted 9/4/07

"Hi how are you today?"

"I''m good thanks."

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

"I'm thinking of buying a camera I've seen. It has good reviews, I just want to actually see it before I decide."

"Sure. Which camera is it?"

"The Minolta digital SLR. I think its the 5D."

[hands over camera]

"It has six mega pickles right?"



"It has six mega pickles?"

[mental images start to flood brain]

"Yes sir. The maximum resolution is six mega pixels. It shoots at three pictures per second and has a built in anti-shake system."

[customer raises eyebrow]

"Sounds good. How big can you print six mega pickles?"

[more mental images, tears in my eyes]

"As big as you like depending on how you process the image. You can up-res a six mega pixel image to print as large as you like. The largest print I've actually seen from a six mega pixel file was about four feet by five feet."

[customer raises eyebrow again]

"And my old Minolta lenses will fit it?"


"Alright, thanks. I'll be back."

[quietly to manager as he leaves]

"You need to teach that boy something about cameras. He keeps calling mega pickles 'mega pixels.' "

[sink to knees behind counter, chew arm]


Alice Amplified said...

Woo eeee... That's a funny one. I think pickles are my favorite food ever. Now I'm hungry. Time for lunch

Michael said...

Hope your dining companion behaves :)

Pauline said...

aren't mega pickles like giant gherkins ?

Alice Amplified said...

He did not behave! I'm thinking of returning him, smoking jacket an all.

Mega pickles.... that still gives me a chuckle.

I have left work today, early -- due to lack of interest.

Mucn to my suprise Slick Willie was on Oprah. I liked him, ever since Bush.. I keep thinking... we were better off with Wille.... now maybe we'll get his wife, which in essense means we'll get him again, since we got HER when we had him as president.

I wish people would elect Omama, but I just dont know. I think he's too idealistic and will really have trouble adjusting to cold dark dismal truths that surround the presidency.

But Hillary...? eeeek. Im all for woman president... but Im not sure she is the right one.

People people... write in my name-- Alice Amplifed for president.


Pro choice
No spening money we dont have
Free beer on Fridays, at all plces of business.
The war ends immediately
Bush is put on a lepper island
Blow jobs are not the end of the world.
Blowing of your friends head in sn archeic "sport" of animal killing IS then end o the worl

Talk about idealistic!

Sorry sweets, I just got on my soapbox in your nice post about pickles.

Alice Amplified said...

Omama,thats funny. Its obama. Ive had several beers. My head hurt.

ann said...

hilarious... funny thing
is I know what a pickle is
(I'm always in one of those)
but don't have a clue about
pixels... are they anything
to do with pixies???????

Michael said...

Pauline - mega pickles can be giant gherkins or onions or anything else pickled or so I've been told. I was picturing gherkins during the conversation though. Gherkins have much comedic potential.

Heather - he's just a little cheeky, give him a chance. He'll settle down.

You should run for president. You'd win on the grounds that you're not a politician. I must admit I like the look of your manifesto. I hope you deliver when you are elected.

Woman president? I'm all for it. I'm not sure Billary qualifies though.

Sorry I can't make it to Cocoa this weekend. Give me more notice next time and I'll break out the speedos!

Ann - bingo! Pixels are indeed new born pixies, so tiny you can hardly see them without a magnifying glass.

I must admit it was funny. The guy is one of the nicest people you could wish to meet. We're still in touch to this day and, yes, they're still pickles to him.

Alice Amplified said...

oh god no.

That needs to be added to my platform.

No speedos.

Cocoa, you me and alcohol. Next time. Im summonded there on a regular basis. It wont be long.

I just got the uncontrolable hiccups. Time for a bath.


Michael said...

The thought of me in speedos scares me now that I think of it.

No speedos. Got it.

Queenie said...

The sad thing here is that could be me, I have no idea about all this pixels/ pickle stuff and pronounce many as if I'd been on the gin. Just show me the button and how to press it, thats me happy. Seen you about thought I'd pop by and say hello. I find you and your families humour adictive yes tht is the right word...

Michael said...

~bowing~ Your Majesty! Welcome. Yes it is easy to get into a proper preponderance of pixelated pickles. Best to let us, your loyal subjects, worry about that stuff while you enjoy a nice G&T what?

Thanks for dropping in :)

Pauline said...

I too recognised the comedic potential of gherkins....this worries me....is my sense of humour metamorphosising in a Kafkaesque manner and becoming more like yours...scary!

Michael said...

That thought is indeed, as you say, scary.

Ali said...

Very funny story Michael. How long would it take to eat 6 mega pickles??? lol

val said...

Probably six minute minutes, Ali.

See how nice and mild my comments are, Michael?

I was discussing gherkins just the other day, or at least the etymology of the word. Apparently it came to us from Greek via Dutch.

Michael said...

Ali - I guess it depends what you eat them with. How big would the burger have to be for instance?

Val - I see how you are Miss V. You're up to something ;)

val said...

Being a talented driver of nearly 30 years' standing, I have done a post about my driving history JUST for you, Michael. It's riveting!

Except for the bit about Rat Scabies.

Michael said...

Oh Val, you're so easy...and so humble too.

*light fuse...stand well back...preferably in a concrete bunker*

I knew you were up to something. Didn't I say that?

~scrolls up~

Yes, I did :)

val said...

But the post is innocuous, Michael. It doesn't even put you in your place (as a male driver and as such a representative of the gender that causes 95% of accidents in the UK by mistaking recklessness for good driving). I'm SURE you are a really good driver.

Michael said...

I never said your post wasn't innocuous dear lady. And I'm equally sure you are a wonderful, safe and courteous driver yourself.

val said...

I'm safe, it's all the other mad bastards on the road who worry me. They're called men. Some of them are even called Michael.

"Dear lady"? DEAR LADY!!!! You really know how to insult a body, don't you?

(Dear lady, f****** b****** wha* the f**?)

Michael said...

He shoots. He Scores!

~he runs away~

val said...

Not really, Michael - I was faking (do you hear those words often?) How could I possibly be offended by your infectious cheerfulness?

Michael said...

I've never heard those words before today. Do you say those words often?

I agree with you, I could never cause offense :)

val said...

I'm a teacher, Michael. Faking is part of the jog - pretending you're upset/angry/annoyed - even pleased. It would be too exhausting actually to feel those emotions as often as you would need to in order to do the job properly.

cathy said...

now I want a hamburger.

val said...

Did I say jog? When I meant job? Oh dear, the kiddies would ahve fun with that one - silly Miss!

Michael said...

Cathy - why would you want a burger when you have souvlaki? No contest.

Val - they would indeed, as you say, ahve fun with your jog.

Ahve a wonderful day dear lady.

Alice Amplified said...

I miss Micheal.

I slept with this braincell. Some of you may or may not know to keep care of it for jhim, sice he has only remeining. I was left to babysit for him, while he went out and get shut faced.

Well, I took him to Cocoa Beach (which Ive decided I love now)...I took him to a tikki bar, plyed hm with rum, and slept with him on the rum other the things. LOoking back, the low cute shirt couldhave beb left at home.

Im very sorry Michal, I know you trusted me with him, your one and only surviving braincell. But he was so cute, and funny... god soooooo funny.. you KNOW what funny does to me! funny... and the BAM... we were rolling in the sand.

I know,,, I'm fired, Im sorry, I have real thing for babysitting braincells in smoking jaackets. I'll enroll in therapy tomorrow. Im Prormise.

Give me another chnage, that is if you can muster another cell.



p.s. I did teach i how to surf prior to getting him drunk and having my way with im. Does that help?

Very tird now. Jet Lag. Had a great time.You can epremand me tomorrow.

Michael said...

You still seem to be suffering the effects of the Dyslexia Juice you were drinking :) Yes I know what funny does to you so you're forgiven, I know you can't help yourself.

Alice Amplified said...

shut up.
You should have been a proofreader.

and... shut up!

You did not address the fact that I actually missed you, "words on page", nor the fact that I slept with your brain cell.

(in my defense.... he's all-kindsa-sexy)

now, go proof read something would ya? The world is waiting!

(woops, thats against the RUUULES)

and....shut up

val said...

Heather, he threatens more but doesn't deliver. Proofreader. Yes. Perfect.

Michael said...

Heather - I missed you too and have missed you since you came back due mostly to my insane work schedule which also explains the brevity of my previous comment. I was about to leave for work but you know I can't not reply to you so I did, albeit briefly.

My brain cell is in a better place now and I believe he went there with a smile on his face thanks to you.

I have only one other brain cell, my emergency back up, and I'm not sure he would be safe with you. We will have to discuss terms if you wish to take charge of him.

p.s. Telling me to shut up is pointless. I can't. Ask my family if you need proof.

Val - feel free to elaborate.

val said...

No thanks.

Michael said...


Nessa / Goldennib said...

Very funny. I prefer Bread & Butter.